An old high school friend took a look at many of the sensationalized cases in my life and career over the past couple of decades, and provoked me to answer a very poignant question:
Q. You really are surrounded by a lot of controversy, John. Does that come with the job or do you tend to attract it?
A. Great question, my friend. It's a little bit of both, but perhaps more of the latter, I confess, since I have a heart for the recovering reprobates. This probably has a lot to do with my own past of being way out there and living like a bar fly, etc, perceiving myself as that redeemed sinner and beneficiary of sooo much grace ... someone who received sooo many second chances myself.
While many of my criminal defense colleagues may have enough sense to reject a case that appears too controversial, as you said - or cases in which the defendant's guilt is just way too obvious (there being no real possibility of winning), I will nonetheless take the case *if I believe that the defendant (who otherwise appears to be a real scumbag) is repentant - not just remorseful about getting caught, but desirous of meaningful change.
I am quicker to forgive and extend grace to these guys (men AND women, many of whom are hurting, addicted and frightened), it seems; no doubt because of my own issues and continuing struggles to be better than I am. These individuals are often sent to me by pastors and others who often tend to see me as the lawyer of last resort, or the lawyer who will help the accused when other lawyers have rejected the cause - perhaps out of concern that the defendant has already been publicly ostracized beyond measure (akin to a modern day leper!), or, quite frankly, if the money just isn't there.
The other brutal truth, I think, is that I also enjoy the challenge. This in itself, however, is never enough. My heart has to go out to the client on some level before I'm willing to wrestle with the challenge of representation in the face of all the adversity and controversy.
I'm quicker to want to help the hurting and frightened client if they manifest some real remorse and a spirit of genuine repentance - and this is usually demonstrated by a showing of tears and real emotion. Of course, some folks are very good at making themselves cry and feigning emotion, but thankfully, I believe I've been given the gift of a spirit of discernment, enough to recognize when I'm being "worked" by the prospective client.
It's fairly obvious when the accused sincerely wants the help and appears broken and contrite in spirit; and for me, right or wrong, there really does need to be some redeeming feature or aspect of their character or personality, before there is a stirring within me to want to help.
…
I looked again at my friend's question and my earlier answer, and it dawned on me that I have always been in the middle of the spotlight of sorts, apparently inviting a lot of this pressure into my own life. Truth be told, maybe this has something to do with my tendency to get involved in controversial cases.
I was always trying out for the position of quarterback in football or pitcher in baseball as a kid, but the question is begged, "Why?" Those positions are obviously more visible, and you certainly get a whole lot more attention in those limelight positions than when playing other positions on the team. This can be wonderful or awful, depending on your performance that day. If you're throwing wonderfully as either the quarterback or the pitcher, you get a lot of positive attention and accolades, but if you're throwing poorly, you get a lot of negative attention and insults.
Same with quarterbacking or pitching the client's case in court, up front and visible in throwing all the right pitches (in front of the bleachers and crowd, ie, the jury and the media) in court, advancing the most provocative questions and arguments against the opposition. If things are going wonderfully, the lawyer as QB or pitcher looks and sounds great; but if things are going badly, the lawyer will want to race for the bench or the dug out as fast as possible!
Why would any rational person invite this kind of pressure into their world? A needy and insecure person, desperate on some level to get the coveted, positive strokes that accompany a successful performance, perhaps? Too often that may have been me, I confess.
The only exception to what I am suggesting, it would seem, applies to the one who truly loves throwing the ball and who is very, very good at it; or by analogy, to the trial lawyer who truly loves being in front of the jury and who is very, very good at the game of trial - but even then, it takes a tremendous amount of preparation before the lawyer can feel the requisite level of confidence to perform successfully.
Is there enough medication or drink in the house to make the life of an anxious trial lawyer more relaxed - and if it takes a bit of self medicating for the lawyer to cope with these self-imposed "trials," then maybe he ought to get into another type of lawyer gig altogether, maybe an office-type of law practice, i.e., real estate, probate or some other area of the law away from the courtroom and away from juries?
In retrospect, I'm glad my friend provoked me to answer that question about whether I tend to attract controversy. This caused me to do a lot of reflection and serious introspection, to acknowledge my own occasional, unhealthy "need" to perhaps assuage my own conscience, and to confront some of these things about myself. Maybe I will have a greater awareness next time a "controversial" case comes my way, and I will then more quickly discern whether the "need" on that occasion is a healthy need for the accused "leper" or client ... or an unhealthy "need" for me? I've got a greater heads up now, thank God.
© 2009 John Contini (ok to repost with attribution and contact info)
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